How to Be More Passive-Aggressive than Your Passive-Aggressive Housemate
Let’s just face it. It’s 20fucking14, you are well into your 20s, and unless you’re married (if so, skip this article and go straight to the 10 Things Never to Say “I Do” to article), or live with your parents (again, 10 Things Never to Say “I Do” to), you most likely have a housemate or six.
Chances are at least one of your roommates loves leaving passive-aggressive notes all around the house, reminding you to flush the toilet, to buy more toilet paper when you finish a roll, or to replace the frozen pizza you ate in a drunken haze last night. While these notes are an infuriating assault on common decency, they can be a great platform for lifelong lessons: “How to Troll And How to Get Trolled”. Here are 5 tips on how to be more passive-aggressive than your passive-aggressive housemate.
- Always respond to your housemate’s notes with a note of your own, typed-up in Comic Sans, and in an awkward highlighter-yellow color.
- Always use a completely inaccessible abbreviated language to respond. Housemate’s note: Can someone else PLEASE take the trash out for once? Your note: Hey, I T.D.T.L.W, Duh! (“Totes Did That Last Week”)
- When your housemate leaves weird label-like notes about which thing belongs where – like which drawer the silverware lives in – respond by adding unfeasibly thorough labels to each drawer and cabinet. Alternatively, respond by adding notes attached to the previously misplaced items, adding a label saying “SPOON” on each spoon, and so on.
- When your passive-aggressive housemate finally slips up and leaves a few dirty dishes in the sink, be sure to collect the dirty dishes (maybe including a few of your own) and put them in their bedroom.
- When they inevitably ask you to move out for being a total jerk, make sure to pack all light bulbs, ice trays, and toilet paper in the house before you leave.