• The Dropout Issue

    Things I Learned from Living with a Boyfriend and a Bunch of Boys

    The Dropout Issue
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    I met my boyfriend through a right swipe on Tinder. Seven months later, we moved in together. I am now 22 years old and have a new existential crisis every week.

    Bbmilf666web

    bbmilf666 _ is an online moniker for a shit bitch that professionally stalks bands as some sort of income. She’s a young sensitive female and she’s learning about growing up while living with her first ever boyfriend. It’s something like when Avril said he was a punk, she did ballet except they live in bk, he’s into noise and she does clubs.

    Bandpractive web

    Milfstential Crises

    Things I Learned from Living with a Boyfriend and a Bunch of Boys

    It’s been two months and twenty-two days since Blade and I committed to sharing one living space together. I can still remember the late evening when we Uber XL’ed all of my boxes from the overpriced Halsey lofts to his punk DIY building in Bushwick. The total cost of the ride was $35 but the amount of blood, sweat, and tears from Blade carrying all of my 22 years of living up and down three flights of stairs was priceless. 

    I’ve never shared a room with anyone besides my best friend when we were both underaged. We lived in a windowless box off Morgantown and shared one twin size bed for a year. Our month-to-month rent was $400 total including all the utilities and wifi. That was an intimate learning experience for the both of us. We really loved each other and respected the situation. 

    When I moved into Blade’s apartment, I didn’t realize it would be completely different from living with a bestie and I didn’t realize I was going to live with three other boys plus three rats. Two of the boys are in bands, the third looks like if lead singer from All American Rejects freelanced as a photographer, and all three rats are females. In the beginning, I felt like I was living in MTV’s “The Real World” or “Survivor” the Bushwick edition,  but now, it feels more like “The Real Housewives of Bushwick” starring only me. 

    From waking up to a late band practice in the living room to Blade’s aggressive sleep apnea, here are some silly but very real things I’ve learned from living with a boyfriend and another list of things I learned from living with just a bunch of boys.

    When you live with your boyfriend:

    • A friend asked me if sex was better when you’re in love and the only thing I could remember was Blade telling me, “It’s great, I get it when I want it and when I don’t.” I guess the lesson here is, you’ll realize that your sex drives are not necessarily always synced up and you have to learn to deal with that.
    • He will notice and call you out on your nastiness, like your vintage stained underwear from high school, or your winter tights.
    • One time Blade asked if there was a dead animal in the room when I took my open toed boots off. You learn to fix (or live with) stinky feet.
    • Eating in bed together is fun but when he’s eating a bag of chips, you’ll always wake up with crumbs on your ass.
    • Old Spice works better than any female deodorant.
    • He wears the same pair of jeans and washes it not very often.
    • Before you start talking about money, ask yourself  “am I mentally prepared to talk about this and do I really love him?”
    • The challenge of making you squirt will be a game for him and you will enjoy it.
    • Waking up in his arms will be one of the most precious moments of your life together no matter how bad the hangovers and morning breaths are.

    When you live with a bunch of boys:

    • Learn to share your toiletries. Once theirs run out, it’s onto the next.
    • Do not ever trust the three minute rule. If your food makes any contact with the ground, that shit is gone. 
    • Everyone is comfortable with farts, burps, and giggles.
    • Always remember to lock the bathroom door.
    • All boys have the same poop complex, they’re basically adult toddlers about shitting.
    • When it’s band practice, you can either take a Xanax and stay at home or go to a local bar until the session is over. 
    • Band practices run late.
    • After the show, it’s the after party then, after the party it’s your living room, not the hotel lobby.
    • Sometimes you will wake up with strangers on your couch and that’s okay, musicians support other musicians and that sometimes means supporting touring acts with a floor.
    • Movie nights are always sci-fi or Stanley Kubrick.
    • They really do believe they can fix anything around the house.

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