Seize The Means Of Burger Production

I’ve long held the belief that there should be collectable trading cards for the most inspirational criminals involved in outrageous heists and vindictive anti-state mischief. I’m imagining you’d buy a pack of these cards at a comic book store (do those still exist?) and right between Yu-Gi-Yo! and Magic the Gathering would be a box of boosters ironically named “Box of Boosters: Expansion Pack”. Inside would be 15 random cards, 10 commons, four uncommons, and one rare.

If you were lucky, you’d pull a foil Colton Harris Moore, or Christopher Dorner.

You go right ahead and steal my million dollar idea, I’m never going to get around to making the whole set. On one condition: you include the mystery man who broke into a DC-area Five Guys chain and made himself a meal. Literally the hamburglar:

In an absolutely outrageous turn of events, Wayback Burgers, a competing chain, has offered this guy a year of free burgers if he turns himself in. I hope this man is never caught. If you have any information about this crime, keep it to yourself. Celebrate Folk Heros.