• The Hacker Issue

    Dan’s Fall 2015 Trend Forecast

    The Hacker Issue

    Be hip like this kid, use a hose.

    Dan Knows Best

    Fall 2015 Trend Forecast

    What’s up people! I didn’t do shit this summer and I still haven’t done shit with my life. My 27th birthday is in a week and I couldn’t be more excited. (I hope mad friends Venmo me.) Last night I wish I had a long sleeve t-shirt so you know what that means – winter is here. If you’re like me and have no clue who you are yet or where you fit in this cruel world, trend forecasts can help calm the mind so you can worry about other things. Things like ”Why did that lady in the park throw an apple at me?” ”Oh shit am I banned from this bar?” or ”Are bugs crawling all over me right now?” Don’t stress; with this list you will literally be the coolest person in the queer safe space. Also this fall keep in mind candy apples are really bad for my porcelain veneers. I mean yours!

    • broken arm
    • two empty tote bags, one on each shoulder
    • Bushwick Car Service
    • pancakes
    • lasagna
    • The Civil War
    • iPhone 5
    • finger puppets
    • countertops
    • bread
    • imaginary best friend 
    • people named ”Claire”
    • throwing spaghetti at the wall
    • vinyl siding
    • glass of water
    • lockers
    • jocks
    • proper drainage systems
    • tornados
    • reptiles
    • craft beer
    • using a hose
    • harvesting
    • Oprah
    • groundskeeping
    • coffee shops
    • poker visors
    • cheez whiz 
    • scribbling
    • lying
    • wheelbarrow as transportation
    • marriage between a man and a woman
    • agility and concentration
    • slingshots
    • jazz
    • wild goose chases
    • chip clips
    • being strict
    • having nowhere to go
    • bringing your phone places
    • saying ”oh my god”
    • being perfect
    • dressing like a scarecrow
    • bomb shelters
    • posters
    • wearing a tapestry as a pashmina 
    • nursing school
    • regular scrubs
    • seapunk again
    • whatever train is the purple line
    • Oklahoma
    • raisins
    • moving a piano
    • futons
    • email
    • knowing your landlord’s name
    • helmets
    • Mel Gibson
    • cops
    • Louis Vuitton
    • 8-12 year olds
    • burglary
    • rubber cement
    • igloos
    • the Eiffel Tower
    • holy eucharist 
    • staying in New York
    • keeping it to yourself 
    • pretending you don’t have a lighter
    • PG-13 movies
    • hampers
    • boiling water
    • nuclear families 
    • barnyard animals
    • and last but not least, eating a Bunwich

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